United We Stand, Divided We Fall
When I was a kid and would see adults argue, I would observe and listen to both sides. From my outside perspective, I could see that the two adults were arguing on two different channels of thought. Each person had their core values that they felt were being stepped on. Each brought their own perspectives to the argument. Sometimes, I would literally say out loud, “Person A is saying this… Person B is saying this.” I’d try to get the two parties to see that they were each talking about two completely different things.
Since I was a child, they would look at me for a moment, disregard what I had to say and continue their fruitless conversation. Each continued to drive home their point more vehemently, never trying to see where the other person was coming from.
I feel like I’m that kid again, except the whole world is a chorus of the same madness. I scroll through my Facebook feed and see that same dynamic playing out over and over again. We talk at each other, on top of each other, around each other, on completely different channels. And we think that if we get snarkier or angrier or more indignant or judgmental or label them with some offensive label that somehow that’s going to help. We have an entire world of people touting their opinions, never stopping to really understand each other or how some people are speaking from their core value of security while others are speaking from their core value of freedom, or others from their core value of fairness, etc. We will never, ever get along until we learn to speak with another person on their station (or in relation to their core value).
You can talk to someone til you’re blue in the face about freedom, and they won’t care a thing about it if their core value is security. Or if someone’s core value is fairness, they won’t care about your core value of freedom if they don’t see that what you want is “fair and equal.”
We’re never going to change someone’s core values. But if we can at least respect that their core values are just as valid as ours and explain things to them in terms of their values, then perhaps we can start to have a civil discourse again.
Ironically, in a world of instant communication on steroids, our greatest need is the ability to communicate. That begins with respect and a willingness to understand what’s making the other person tick (their core values).