Toning Down the Vitriol in America

Are you ready to turn down the volume on the vitriol in our nation? I’m going to share with you a solution. It requires no government intervention, no bureaucracy, no committee. The Democrats or the Republicans don’t even need to change. It only requires you and me to take some personal responsibility.

First, I’m going to say something radical that you may not believe. Be patient and please read to the end. I believe it will eventually make sense.

When someone makes you so angry that you can’t see straight and you absolutely hate or despise them, it’s not about them. It’s about you. There’s something in them that you don’t want to see or face in yourself. It could be an inaccurate belief you hold, a fear from a past trauma being triggered, a story you have running in your mind about this person. Most likely it’s some aspect of yourself that is being mirrored back to you. It’s easier to make that person the villain than admit you have similar traits and accept those aspects of yourself. Whatever it is… this immense hatred isn’t about the person you hate, it’s about you.

This is something to consider as we see people with various political stances who hate individuals of the other stance. When people despise our President with vigor, this isn’t about him. It’s not about the Democrats or the Republicans. It’s about each of us as individuals and how we are reacting. We should be able to disagree with each other without despising one another. If we’re despising someone, it’s on us. We have some serious inner work to do. We need to get to the root of that.

Indignation Isn’t Vitriol

I’m not a fan of a certain group of politicians. I’d like to see them leave office. But I don’t despise or loathe them as individuals. I see them as a threat to our Constitution and to our American ideals. I’d like them to either see the light or step down. But that doesn’t require hate. Sure, I’m annoyed with the nonsense some days. But vehement loathing? Nope. What I feel is appropriate indignation for individuals who, I believe, are seeking to undermine and destroy our Constitution.

Even Christ felt that kind of indignation. We might say He was “angry” with the money changers whose tables he overturned in the temple. Yet, Jesus never despised anyone – not even those who crucified Him.

Time for Some Self-Reflection

Only you can say what you’re feeling. If it’s deep loathing, despising, hatred and revenge; take that as a clue. It’s an indicator that there’s something there you need to get to the root of and work through.

Ask yourself when you’ve felt that feeling before. Trace back through your life and look for the pattern. Jot down the traits/characteristics of the people you’ve felt that way around before.

Now the tough part… when have you possessed the same characteristics? When have other people accused you of being the same way or treated you as if they saw you that way?

How did your possession of those same traits or characteristics serve you? How did those traits serve other people?

A Real Life Example

For example, at one time I was very upset with someone. They had done something that personally wounded me and radically impacted me, my family and our finances. I saw their actions as incredibly self-serving. I was so mad at this person, I wanted God to rein vengeance down on them. I knew how I felt wasn’t good, but I decided stuffing my feelings wasn’t healthy either.

Then I learned this principle of looking for negative traits and seeing them in myself. As I did so, I discovered that not only had I made similar choices in another area of my life, but also I was equally self-serving. I discovered that everything I do is self-serving. When I help others, I get a good feeling. That’s self-serving. If I do business with someone, I’m getting paid. That’s self-serving. If I love my family, that’s self-serving because life is more peaceful when I’m loving. And usually they love me back.

There isn’t a single thing I do that doesn’t serve me in some way. My self-serving-ness actually serves others at the same time. My business serves my clients and my family. Me helping and loving others blesses them. Even the time I left a bad marriage was seen by many as self-serving, yet I know how it served others.

At last, I owned my self-serving-ness. I saw how it benefited others and the world around me. Once, I really got it, the anger and need for revenge against my “enemy” melted away. I no longer could judge this person. Within a short time, I saw that this person did me one of the biggest favors anyone had ever done for me. Their actions – which I originally deemed as purely self-serving – served me in a powerful, liberating way.

There is an excellent book that will take you through an expanded version of this exercise. I highly recommend it. It’s what I used in this situation and it changed my life going forward. I no longer put people on a pedestal or relegate them to a pit. I see both the challenge and support in others and in myself. It’s called The Breakthrough Experience* by Dr. Jon Demartini. If you get it, do the exercise in the middle of the book. If you don’t do the work, you won’t get the transformation.

It’s worth the 2-3 hours it will take you to do this exercise. Your life will never be the same. You will be free. Who can put a price on freedom?

The video shares some blessings our nation is reaping from the attacks on our President. Be sure to listen.

Disclaimer: The link above to The Breakthrough Experience is my affiliate link to Amazon so I will make a small affiliate commission if you buy from that link. If you prefer not to use my link, just go to Amazon and search for the book directly.